Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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