So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
