I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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