I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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