I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
