U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
