You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
