Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
