Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
