It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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