Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
