question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He better not be in your backpack
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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