OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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