she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
