she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
