Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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