You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
