I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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