why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he fucked my hip out of place.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
