I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
