The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
