I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
