i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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