How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize