I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
