honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
