I just saw a hot homeless man
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
