I look better un-naked...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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