The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You were trust falling into bushes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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