I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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