Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
