You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
