Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
