mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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