Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
