Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
