I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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