Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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