i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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