Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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