I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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