This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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