i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
