Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
