it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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