Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
