Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
