Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
