Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
