Slut skills are useful in every country.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hippo gnu deer
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
