words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
