he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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