I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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