Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
