She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
