Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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