just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
