Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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