I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
COCAINE IS GR8
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
