It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
