Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
