I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
