i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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