Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
