I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
