Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
