I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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