Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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