i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's get the cat blown out
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
