the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
