Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
