therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
