my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
