I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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