Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
