He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
