i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
