I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
