ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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