I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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