Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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