and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
