I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
