Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize