Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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