porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
