In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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